A TF Song Request Line
by GothicLolita009 aka Hayley M
Summary: Have a song you want 'Transformed? Need a laugh? Stop by! Oh yeah, R&R..PLEASE!
1. Barney the TF Way!

*O-kay all you loyal TF fans out there. This is an ongoing fanfic that will stay going as long as I want it to. This is the place where I will take all your requests and 'transform' them for the benefit of all those loyal to the bashing of Thrust, Megatron/Galvatron, and all the baddies! Maybe Optimus and Jetfire too. *cringes and does a tuck-and-roll to avoid laser fire from the aforementions characters* "All-right, maybe I'll just stick with Thrust..." *smiles as she hears the cheers from both sides and her audience.* "Welp, here we go!" Special thanks to TF-Fan for giving me the idea for this particular one! Oh yeah, I don't anything but the plots and new lyrics. If that.  
  
We Hate Thrust *for TF-Fan*  
  
A normal, peaceful night on the planet of Cybertron. The Authoress (who will now be referred to as Haley for the sake of simplicity), with her guitar in hand, Hotshot, Optimus, Jetfire, Megatron, Starscream, and Demolisher, and a fellow Authoress (who shall be known in this fic as 'Authoress') all sit together, huddled around a small fire (I don't care what the laws of physics say...I say there will be FIRE! *all the physics professors from her college run away at her declaration*). Haley clears her throat and begins to strum a few chords.  
  
Megatron: Are you to keep twanging that thing all night, Human? Play something already.  
  
Optimus: Take it easy, Megatron. It takes time for these things to tune.  
  
Starscream: For once listen, you poor excuse for a leader.  
  
Megatron: What was that, you two-bit excuse for a Seeker?  
  
Haley: Boys, boys. That's enough. I'm ready to play now.  
  
A wicked grin spreads across the face of the Authoress as she watches Haley take up her guitar and begins to strum the first chords of the song.  
  
I hate you  
  
You hate me  
  
Let's get together and kill Barney  
  
With a 9 millimeter  
  
And a shot right through the head  
  
Let's make sure that Barney's dead.  
  
The Authoress claps her hands in delight as Haley looks on.  
  
Haley: What?  
  
Authoress: That was the BEST!   
  
Haley: -_-(). It's been done a hundred times, girl.   
  
Starscream: I have an idea, Human. Let us take that song and put in the name of someone other than a large purple dinosaur.   
  
Haley: *nods, grinning wickedly* "Okay, Starscream. But Megatron gets to sing it this time. He was bashed in the last one I did, and it's o-nly fair.  
  
Megatron: I am not going to degrade myself by singing a stupid Human song.  
  
Haley: Okay then, Megatron...If that's the way you're gonna be, then you can leave. I'm sure that Starscream can come up with better lyrics, anyway.  
  
  
  
Haley turns to the Authoress, grinning, and leans in to whisper to her.  
  
Haley: That'll get his goat, but good.  
  
Megatron: Fine, fine. I can't allow myself to be outdone by an underling. Play, Human.  
  
Haley: Okay, Megatron. And make it good. *strums the first chords*  
  
Megatron: I hate Starscream  
  
He's a traitor  
  
I'm gonna tell him, 'See ya later.'  
  
With the Starsaber sword  
  
And a slice across the neck  
  
His head will roll across the deck.  
  
Starscream: *glares at Megatron with undisguised hatred* "Why you--!"  
  
Haley: O-kay! Starscream, you're next. Then it's your turn, Optimus.  
  
Starscream: Yes!  
  
Optimus: Ooookay.  
  
Starscream: I hate Thrust  
  
You hate Thrust,  
  
Let's all give his aft a bust;  
  
With my null-ray cannons  
  
And the Requium Blaster  
  
Thrust won't be able to get away faster  
  
Optimus: I want peace  
  
You want war,  
  
Let's not battle anymore;  
  
With a swift handshake,  
  
And agreement ever after,  
  
There'll be nothing but joy and laughter  
  
Megatron: That....was the sappiest thing I've ever heard, Prime. Especailly coming from you.  
  
Haley and the Authoress quietly slip away, ignoring the sounds of plasma guns, blasters, and random shouting of the various Transformers gathered.  
  
Haley: Well, here we go again.  
  
*Didja like? Hate? Want to make a request? Send me a review and I'll do what I can with it. 


	2. Transformers Working?

*Ckret2, I hope you will forgive me, but I'm afriad I just don't have the stomach to fulfill your request....*'erps' as she feels the barrel of Megatron's fusion cannon against the middle of her back* I haven't the strength. Anyways, here I go with another request. This one is for Stormwind. Enjoy it!*  
  
Demolisher sits with the radio running, listenting to the interesting sounds of Earth music. As he is listenting, a private communication opens up for him.  
  
Demolisher: Hello? Oh, it's you, Starscream. What? Again? You gotta be kidding? *Demoliosher sighs* I've told you what to do a hundred times....tell her--Yes, Starscream. G'bye. *Demolisher rolls his eyes.  
  
Demolisher: Starscream's got a girlfriend  
  
Man he hates that femme  
  
He tells me every day  
  
He says, "I really gotta lose this chick   
  
In the worst kind of way."  
  
She sits on her aft and   
  
He works until he drops  
  
To give her money every payday  
  
But she wants more dinero   
  
Just to stay at home  
  
Well, Starscream  
  
Here is what you say:  
  
"I won't pay, I won't pay ya, no way."  
  
Now, now *sung by Haley and the Authoress, who have magically appeared*  
  
Starscream: "Why don't you get a job?" *watches Firestorm filing her nails*  
  
Demolisher: Say,"No way, say no way ya, no way   
  
Haley and Authoress: Now, now   
  
Starscream: Why don't you get a job?"  
  
Firestorm: *sighs, checking her nails once more, ignnoring Starscream*  
  
Demolisher: I guess all his money, well it isn't enough  
  
To keep her bill collectors at bay  
  
I guess all his money, well it isn't enough  
  
Cause that girl's got expensive taste  
  
  
  
Firestorm: *drinks wine with diamonds in the glass*  
  
Starscream: I won't pay, I won't pay ya, no way  
  
Haley/Authoress: Now, now   
  
Starscream: Why don't you get a job?  
  
Haley/Authoress: Say,"No way." Say no way ya, no way *Haley and the Authoress have randomly appeared behind Starscream, and are singing in his audio receptor...more or less*  
  
Now, now   
  
Starscream: Why don't you get a job?  
  
Firestorm: *rolls her optics* "Fine."  
  
Starscream: Well I guess it ain't easy doing nothing at all   
  
Haley/Authoress: Oh yeah  
  
Starscream: But hey man free rides just don't come along every day  
  
Firestorm: Let me tell you about my friend now. *puts her arm around Elita-One.  
  
Elita's got a boyfriend, man she hates that mech  
  
She tells me every day  
  
He wants more dinero just to stay at home  
  
Well, my dear,  
  
You gotta say:  
  
Elita-One: "I won't pay, I won't pay ya, no way."  
  
Haley/Authoress: Now, now *they have now randomly appeared behind Elita-One*  
  
Elita-One:"Why don't you get a job?" *watches Optimus, who is sitting in front of the TV and watching football yelling, 'GO COWBOYS!'  
  
Firestorm: Say,"No way."  
  
Say no way ya, no way  
  
Haley/Authoress: Now, now  
  
Elita-One:"Why don't you get a job?"  
  
Haley/Authoress: Oh yeah  
  
Starscream/Elita-One:"I won't give ya no money! I always pay!"  
  
Haley/Authoress: Now, now  
  
Starscream/Elita-One"Why don't you get a job?"  
  
Haley/Authoress/Firestorm/Demolisher: Say,"No way." Say no way ya, no way  
  
Now now   
  
Starscream/Elita-One: Why don't you get a job!  
  
I don't think this is one of my best fics...I didn't have the song to go by, only the lyrics. Maybe that's why. Oh, well. I just hope you all enjoy it. See ya next chappie. Oh yeah, and make sure you review! *points to the little button in the corner* 


	3. A TF Music Video!

Okay, everyone, this is an very...interesting fanfic. This is a request for 'Feeling This' by Blink 182 from Manaic. This one is gonna be kinda hard to do as well, since I don't actaully have the song for inspiration. Well, here it goes!  
  
"Okay, people--places please!" yells the Authoress as Haley walks into the room, decked out in a complete director's outfit. She pulls out her megaphone and addresses the various Transformers gathered, as well as random dancers.  
  
"All, right. I want this to be good. Firestorm! Starscream! You two are the stars of this video, so make it look real...got it?"  
  
The couple lock optics for a moment, the obvious animosity between them painfully at the surface.  
  
"Fine," they say together.  
  
Haley and Authoress: Get ready for action!  
  
  
  
There are random drum beats and beginnings to a song....  
  
  
  
Firestorm: There are no regrets right now   
  
Haley and Authoress (for the whole song):(I'm feeling this)  
  
The air is so cold and low (I'm feeling this)  
  
Let me go into his room (I'm feeling this)  
  
I wanna take off his armor (I'm feeling this)  
  
Starscream: *pulls a John Travolta slide into the camera, looking at Firestorm with an almost predatory intent* Show me the way to bed (I'm feeling this)  
  
Show me the way you move (I'm feeling this)  
  
Starscream/Firestorm: Primus, its such a blur(I'm feeling this)  
  
I love all the things you do (I'm feeling this)  
  
[Chorus (sung by Haley, the Authoress, and Demolisher:]  
  
Fate fell short this time  
  
Your smile fades in the summer  
  
Place your hand in mine  
  
I'll leave when I wanna  
  
Firestorm: *raises her optics seductivly* Where do we go from here  
  
Starscream *with as much seduction as FS* Turn all the lights down now  
  
Firestorm and Starscream: Our sparks are poudning bright (I'm feeling this)  
  
Our engines are way too loud (I'm feeling this)  
  
Firestorm: Show me the bedroom floor (I'm feeling this)  
  
Show me the bathroom mirror (I'm feeling this)  
  
Starscream: We're taking this way too slow (I'm feeling this)  
  
Let's get away from here (I'm feeling this)  
  
Firestorm (solo): This place was never the same again  
  
After you came and went  
  
How can you say you meant anything different  
  
To anyone standing alone   
  
In the air, in the form of a jet  
  
On the first night we, well...  
  
Starscream (solo): Look to the past  
  
And remember that smile  
  
And maybe tonight  
  
I can breathe for awhile  
  
I'm not in the seat  
  
I think I'm goin' offline  
  
But then all that it means is:   
  
Starscream/Firestorm: I'll always be dreaming of you  
  
"Cut!"   
  
"Erm...Firestorm? Starscream?"  
  
Haley and the Authoress look on as the couple continues to kiss....  
  
Haley: *sighs* "Turn the lights off." *walks out with the Authoress, leaving the two lovebirds alone. 


	4. Cyclonus' Song!

Cyclonus, A Mini-con, and Pie...  
  
*I have honestly tried to make this one funny. I am so sorry the last one bombed! *bow, bow* "I promise to try harder to make my paraodies funny. Well, enjoy! This is a paraody of, 'Baby Bumblebee'"  
  
Haley runs into the Decepticon base, eyes alight.   
  
"Starscream! STARSCREAM! Guess what?!  
  
Starscream: *mutters a curse under his breath* "Not her again....What, Human?"  
  
Haley: Cyclonus caught a Minicon...  
  
Cyclonus: *bouncing up and down, even skipping as he enters* Whee-hee!  
  
Won't my leader be so proud of me,  
  
I'm bringing Megatron a con that's Mini!  
  
Minicon (you may insert your own if you wish): *bites Cyclonus' finger clean off*  
  
Cyclonus: *holding his hand and dropping the Mini-con* Ouch! It bit me!  
  
Megatron: Cyclonus, you IDIOT! Honestly, Thrust could do a batter job at getting Mini-cons than YOU!   
  
Thrust: *cuddles with his Squidward plushie, drooling from inside his cage*  
  
Meagtron: -_-() I didn't think that was possible....  
  
Starscream: Megatron couldn't lead us to the broad side of a barn. I don't see why you have to give HIM that Minicon, Cyclonus.  
  
Megatron: Why you--just say something like that again, you wretched fool!  
  
Starscream: Megatron couldn't-- *gags as Megatron grabs his throat and begins to squeeze*  
  
Megatron: I'm squishing the throat of that traitor Starscream,  
  
So he'll fear me, and tremble in my wake,  
  
I'm gonna make this traitor shiver and shake.  
  
Demolisher: *walks in with a plate in his hand* Hey, is anyone in here awake?  
  
Megatron and Cyclonus: NO!  
  
Demolisher: *cringes at the shouting* I made pie....*smiles and holds up a perfect TF-size pie with whipped cream on top*  
  
  
  
Megatron: It looks like just some heavy cream from here...  
  
  
  
Demolisher: But I made a pie from it! *whimpers*   
  
Megatron: *releases Starscream, who proceeds to gasp on the floor* "Give me that pie!"  
  
A fight over the pie insues, filled with lots of laser pointing and insult-flinging. Everyone evetuanlly ends up covered with pie...  
  
Cyclonus: I'm cleaning off the pie that's made of cream,  
  
Megatron: I'm not finished with you yet, Starscream.  
  
Starscream: Well you can be assured I'm through with you.  
  
Haley: *walks in wearing an obviously new outfit* What do you think about this shade of blue?  
  
Haley quickly runs from the room as laser fire follows.  
  
"Wait! I HAVEN'T PAID FOR THIS OUTFIT YET! IT'S GONNA COST ME $400.00!"  
  
Magically, the laser fire stops. And even more magically, the outfit has emerged undamaged. Haley and the Decepticons let out a sigh of relief...until Haley's clothing falls right at her feet, her lovely new outfit in pieces. There is a moment of silence as the Decepticons regard what they can see of the authoress' naked form.  
  
Haley: QUIT STARING, DAMN YOU! *flushes a really bright red*   
  
Decepticons: *clear their collective throat and carefully slide away into another room*  
  
Haley: *magically wraps herself in a random tablecloth and runs after the Decepticons, flinging words such as, 'pervert,' and, 'pedophile' at them.*  
  
*Hope you enjoyed! Please send a review!* 


	5. Goodnight, Transformers

GoodNight, Transformers  
  
*This one is, I hope, one of my funnier songs. This is a paraody of the song, 'Goodnight, Ladies' and 'Merrily We Roll Along,' I wrote this for GradySmith1976. If I can't do anything with the song you give me, I will still write you one--unless Megs decides to hurt me if I do...hee hee. Hope you like it, Grady!*  
  
Haley and her ever-present friend, the Authoress, sneak around to the theme of 'Mission: Impossible.' They slip into the Decepticon base, and hear a strange song begin to play.  
  
Haley: What the--?  
  
Authoress: *shrugs* "Maybe you started something?"  
  
Haley: *grins* "Maybe..."  
  
Both authoresses cringe at what they hear next.  
  
Starscream: Good night, Megatron  
  
Good night, Megatron  
  
Good night, Megatron  
  
A leader you'll never be.  
  
Haley/Authoress: What?!   
  
Haley: Was...  
  
Authoress: that...  
  
Haley/Authoress: Starscream?   
  
  
  
They look at each other with a certain degree of horror.* Partly because of the fact they heard the Seeker commander sing without any provocation whatsoever. The other reason was that Megatron didn't seem to hear it. Otherwise, he would have surely blasted him for that comment. What they hear next, though, is perhaps much more wrong....Megatron's voice, ringing clear as a bells in a church steeple.  
  
Megatron: Good night, Starscream  
  
Good night, Starscream  
  
Good night, Starscream  
  
You stupid, blundering traitor.  
  
Haley and her friend cringe in horror, and quickly look at each other in sheer terror. What was going on!? Where were the insults and blaster fire?! Haley randomly pulls out a litlle minibike and starts it up, driving along with her friend in tow.   
  
Haley/Authoress: Merrily, we roll along  
  
Roll along, roll along  
  
Merrily, we roll along  
  
To the Autobot base!  
  
In the Autobot base, the lights are dimmed, and the same sing is playing  
  
Haley: Are they TRYING to scare us?  
  
Authoress: I don't know. You're the one writing this!  
  
Hotshot: Good night, Optimus  
  
Optimus: Good night, Smokescreen  
  
Blur: Good night, Jetfire  
  
All: And death to Megatron!  
  
Red Alert: Good night, Hotshot  
  
Jetfire: Good night, Sideswipe  
  
Sideswipe: Good night, Scavanger  
  
All: And death...to...Mega....tron! *this is all sung in perfect harmony*  
  
Haley: I really need to get to sleep earlier, don't I?  
  
The Authoress nods in agreement.  
  
*Hope you like it! Please leave a review! 


End file.
